Yesterday I tweeted that I went to dinner with a number of married women and one began to lecture me about not being married. One of the main culprits is actually married to a low life pissant who does nothing to help her at home or take care of the children. So logically I was quite irritated when she continued to lecture me over and over that she was sooooo worried that I am not married. Poor little ole me.
As I sat there I began to get increasingly irritated because I have had it up to here with women who want to shove their lifestyle down my throat and delegitimize my lifestyle, since I have been in a pretty happy relationship with a man for over 13 years. I tried to calmly explain to this woman that I am just fine, that I am happy, and that I don't really want to be married because I am just fine with my relationship. I'm of the persuasion that I don't need a piece of paper or ceremony in order to be committed. Plus, I made a decision long ago that out of solidarity for my love of the gay and lesbian community, that I will never marry until they have the right to do so. But then again I probably still wouldn't get married.
I tried to calmly explain all of this to her, and then I just had enough of her condescending attitude and I said, "Why don't you worry about your lazy ass husband who doesn't lift a finger to help you instead of being so concerned about my relationship?"
When I got home I tweeted about this situation and I said:
Me: I am convinced that married women who are miserable want U to be married so that we can all be miserable together
One of my followers responded that she shared my sentiment about some people forcing the marriage issue on those of us who choose not to be married. Apparently she retweeted me, and apparently one of her followers responded to both of us. She said:
Her: misery does love company but there are some of us mrs who have amazing marriages ... we want you to have that too!
Now, this borderlines on more or less the same thing that I was frustrated with over dinner--some married people who unintentionally or intentionally want to shove marriage down our throats. I was going to be a bitch, but then I figured that I didn't even know who this lady was, so I just figured that I would bite my tongue, but still state my opinion. Because that's what I do-state my opinion and engage in dialogue. So I said:
Me: why? I've been in a happy relationship for over 13 years. Why assume that I have to be married to be as happy as you??
I was speaking generally, and if I really wanted to be aggressive, most of you who know me well know that I would have been happy to be a total bitch if I wanted.
Nonetheless, she responded:
Her: simmer down now! no assumptions made just said that people generally what you to have what they have good or bad ...
Her: defensive much?!
The "defensive much" comment was slightly irritating, but since I like and respect the woman who had originally retweeted my tweet, I figured that I wouldn't give this lady a tongue lashing. (I should have known by then that the person who had sent me a tweet is too mentally dense to be able to engage in a discussion about this topic). But I did decide to state my opinion and I said:
Me: I don't. I don't want ppl to want what I have. I could really care less how people live their lives.
Because I DON'T care. It's none of my business how people decide to live their lives. I've never in my life tried to impose my relationship on someone, or wish people to have a relationship like mine. Because frankly I have better things to think about, and I know that some people wouldn't be happy with my style of relationship. Then she said:
Her: dial back the hostility and perhaps he'll put a ring on it ... sorry couldn't resist
Hostility? This bitch ain't seen nothin' yet. I'm hostile because I say that I could care less with how other people live their lives? Shit, I'm not a match maker! So I finally decided to tell her that I thought she was condescending, although I was still on my best behavior:
Me: thats the condescending attitude I am talking about. I dont want or need a ring to be in committed relationship
She said:
She said:
Her: you sure are right you don't need a ring to be committed some people like you just require a straight jacket! #whackjob
I said:
Me: and frankly, to assume that I'm hostile because I say I don't need a ring is quite ignorant
The she said:
Her: I am definitely NOT ignorant ... you're just a hostile, negative, toxic person - with or without a ring or a man
And then suddenly, as if we were in high school, she tweets a couple of other people about me being a wack job. Um, and who the hell are these new people? As if I give a shit about them. Oh you have no idea how entertained I am, because you have no idea what kind of good behavior I was on. Well, maybe some of you do. She said:
Her: @OurDesignedLife @ZiaPriven this total #whackjob @wickedbitch chimed in something I said to @MsAnneK & went ape shit
Ape shit? If ape shit is defined by me saying that I don't care about how other people live their life, then I guess I am guilty as charged. What is triple entertaining to me is the "I responded to so and so and she attacked me"-although her stupid ass was the first person to contact me and start throwing blows with making statements about the "maybe if you do x, y, and x then he will marry you" silliness.
This only supports my theory that women who try to shove the "I want you to be married so that you can be as happy as me" are nothing but petty women doing nothing more than attempting to disguise their misery by acting as if their way of living is superior than or more normal than those of us who choose not to marry but live as single women or live in unmarried, committed relationships.
For a tiny minute, I thought, "And why the hell am I a feminist again when they are far too many petty, condescending bitches like this in the world?" But then I remembered that there are tons of cool married women who don't act like the beforementioned asshole and I set my mind straight.
P.S. to the assholes: Go ahead and leave your highschoolesque comments if you chose. I don't give a shit. In fact, you are quite the entertainment.
12 comments:
This is why I stopped going out in public. Some asshole always seems to need to want me to be some way I'm not. I'm old, so nobody much cares that I'm single, but that I don't have children is "tragic." I always want to say something like, "So when is you oldest son getting out of prison."
First off I unintentionally responded to you as my tweet was for @msannek, someone you say respect who agreed that you were completely wrong and was shocked by your insane responses. Could you be any more obvious?! You intentionally left out the part where I tweeted that crazy ppl on twitter make me appreciate my fav tweeps and then they responded asking what was going on. It is not high school-esq of me to be grateful for the good, sane people in my life after being subjected to a hostile, psycho like yourself! Being a bitch does NOT make you a feminist - in fact I'd argue that an ardent feminist wouldn't disrespect another woman by calling her a bitch ... then again you call yourself @wickedbitch so obviously you have little respect for even yourself. And seriously a blog post because I blocked your twitter account because I was done with your bullshit. Continue to be a hateful person and dwell on negativity - it will definitely bring you the quality of life you deserve.
First off bitch-
You are the one who keeps coming back for more, acting like a high school dramaqueen. If me saying that I don't care how other people live their lives or me saying that I don't have to be married to be as happy as a married person is considered psycho, then I don't know what to tell you. I suggest that you grow some thick skin and learn how to deal with people who state an opinion. You'd think that you would know how to deal with frank people, considering that you are supposedly in New York.
Furthermore, it's really unfortunate that you are dragging Anne into this situation. Frankly she is not my keeper and has no control over my opinions. But then again, you act like a petty high schooler so I am not surprised that you would drag innocent people into a dispute with me.
I did not intentionally leave out any part of you tweeting something, because I frankly don't give a shit about what you tweet to your people. I didn't even look at your time line. Yet apparently you seem to be stalking me. Crazy much?!
Quite acting like a damn victim and acting like you were not an asshole here who started with personal attacks.
I have been controlling my tongue out of respect for Anne, but frankly I'm starting to get to the point where you are going to get a bitch slapping of epic proportions.
P.S. Let your husband know that you obviously need a good fucking to let out that pent up frustration.
P.S. Why am I cracking up over you tweeting to get attention.
"Everyone, everyone, look at me! I am a victim! Wicked bitch is crazy because she said she doesn't care how other people live their lives! OMG I am under attack!"
Come run your mouth like that here in Bed-Stuy ... you think you're hard out there in Cali-land?!
Ohhhh! You are a bad ass, aren't you?
Sorry that you can't keep up with my quick wit!!
Ciao! I'm done with you.
Jeez, she even followed you to your blog? You can't seem to shake her. Well, you're still my friend and I like you just the way you are!
Thanks sweet della!! I love you!! xoxo
I have to agree with the misery loves company. People who feel a need to shove their relationship in another's face are usually not very happy. Same for people who are insistent that everyone have children or they're "missing out". Happy people in general tend to be more accepting of different lifestyles (and for the record, I'm married and have two grown up kids).
The only wackjob I see here is Contessa.
-- Alix
First, let me say hello! What a treat to meet you. @subWOW tweeted a link to this post, obviously, when I saw the name, I had to come check it out. Are we distant relatives, I wondered. After reading this post, I think we potentially might be.
I am married, have been for a while now. I really couldn't care less if anyone else is or not. I hope others are happy, but that certainly doesn't fit into neat little packages.
As for the less than literate Contessa, she attempted to engage you in a war of words. When she realized she had shown up for a gunfight with little more than a knife, she called for backup.
I think perhaps 140 characters can lead to things being misconstrued. I interpreted the original response to you on twitter to mean something like.. "not all married people are miserable. when they seem like they are pushing marriage to you, it's not always meant to be an insult on your beliefs, but just because they're so happy they want to share."
Like if I had a really good chocolate mousse I would tell everyone that it was delicious, even people who don't like chocolate. Now someone who doesn't eat chocolate might think that I was being rude, but it would just be an honest expression of my own feelings and not a judgment on what kind of food they like. But if they told me they didn't eat chocolate and I kept arguing that they are wrong and should try it, well then I'd be a jerk. which sounds like what your friend was doing that made you upset to begin with. And rightfully so!
But I don't think the tweeter was trying to push that on you. I think she was trying to lighten it up and say that most people aren't coming from a negative place, even if they're being inconsiderate. Does that make sense? I don't think the original comment was meant to put you down, and I think your response, while totally harmless, can read differently online.
I think the situation escalated into something that it wasn't meant to be at all.
As someone who often comes across like a bitch when I'm trying my hardest to be polite, I have a feeling that's what happened. You were responding cooly, but to her it came across defensive and just snowballed from there.
I have a feeling you'll probably get mad at me for saying this... (and it's probably not advice I often follow myself) but if you assume the best in people instead of the worst, it might not have gotten to this. At some point you need to step back even when you feel you're completely in the right. I'm not saying you should have to apologize for your feelings, but when you're BOTH calling each other names and saying nasty things, it reflects poorly on you as well.
Anyway, good luck and I'm sorry you had to deal with unnecessary drama
@Wicked Shawn I can't wait to read your blog
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