Saturday, July 24, 2010

More Fuel for My Spy Fetish

I consider myself to be a strong woman. As a strong woman, I have often felt that I'm sometimes so deprived of other images of strong women depicted in popular culture that I sometimes feel that I practically salivate when I see the slightest inkling of another strong woman on television, in movies, or in a book.

Well, lately I have been waiting patiently for the movie Salt to open, a movie with Angelina Jolie as a spy. Honestly, I don't even really care for action or spy movies. I don't even really care for many movies. I hardly even know what the movie is about. All I know is that Angelina Jolie is in the movie and she is accused of being a spy. And that she wears suits and jumps around and does stunts. Oh yeah.

The LA Times wrote a review of the movie Salt, and according to reviewer they claim that although the plot line is nothing to write home about that the stunts that Angelica Jolie performs are worth it. So this evening at 5:10, I'm packing up my shit and going to see the flick with my girls.

Other than the fact that I've always admired Angelina Jolie for being such an unconventional woman, these are the reasons why I am getting sucked into this movie:
  • I've got a spy fetish. I want to be a top secret spy who whoreishly seduces top political officials into bed, getting them to spill state secrets. And then I want to sell those state secrets for tons of money to other powerful men in suits, stealing their state secrets in the process as I drive off into the sunset with lots of money.
  • I've got a thing for Russian men, even when they are fat and ugly. I'm sure that anyone who has suffered from some of their brutality or has been terrorized by the Russian mob wouldn't appreciate my obsession. But what can I say.
  • I love movies where women perform many of their own stunts. I salivate over movies where women run, jump, shoot, kick ass and escape people who are chasing them. I'm sure that this won't top Kill Bill Part One for me, but at least it will feed my need to see women jumping all over the place doing things that men think that we can't do.
  • I'm hoping that although she is yelling out "I've been framed" that she is really a master seductress and liar. I hope she ropes us all into thinking through the entire film that she has been set up, and then we find out all along that she is that damn good of a spy that we all believed her. Because I love devious women oh so much.
In three hours, yours truly will be sitting in the movie theater. Please, please, please don't let this one be a disappointment.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

If This is Me Being a Wack Job, Then It's Obvious That You Are a Total Idiot

I'm super entertained with something that recently happened to me on twitter, so I just thought I would put it down in writing. The reason why I am so entertained is because I was actually on my best behavior (and some of you who know me well will know exactly what I am talking about in a minute), yet I was labeled a wack job by none other than a petty, meddling woman.

Yesterday I tweeted that I went to dinner with a number of married women and one began to lecture me about not being married. One of the main culprits is actually married to a low life pissant who does nothing to help her at home or take care of the children. So logically I was quite irritated when she continued to lecture me over and over that she was sooooo worried that I am not married. Poor little ole me.

As I sat there I began to get increasingly irritated because I have had it up to here with women who want to shove their lifestyle down my throat and delegitimize my lifestyle, since I have been in a pretty happy relationship with a man for over 13 years. I tried to calmly explain to this woman that I am just fine, that I am happy, and that I don't really want to be married because I am just fine with my relationship. I'm of the persuasion that I don't need a piece of paper or ceremony in order to be committed. Plus, I made a decision long ago that out of solidarity for my love of the gay and lesbian community, that I will never marry until they have the right to do so. But then again I probably still wouldn't get married.

I tried to calmly explain all of this to her, and then I just had enough of her condescending attitude and I said, "Why don't you worry about your lazy ass husband who doesn't lift a finger to help you instead of being so concerned about my relationship?"

When I got home I tweeted about this situation and I said:

Me: I am convinced that married women who are miserable want U to be married so that we can all be miserable together

One of my followers responded that she shared my sentiment about some people forcing the marriage issue on those of us who choose not to be married. Apparently she retweeted me, and apparently one of her followers responded to both of us. She said:
Her: misery does love company but there are some of us mrs who have amazing marriages ... we want you to have that too!

Now, this borderlines on more or less the same thing that I was frustrated with over dinner--some married people who unintentionally or intentionally want to shove marriage down our throats. I was going to be a bitch, but then I figured that I didn't even know who this lady was, so I just figured that I would bite my tongue, but still state my opinion. Because that's what I do-state my opinion and engage in dialogue. So I said:

Me: why? I've been in a happy relationship for over 13 years. Why assume that I have to be married to be as happy as you??

I was speaking generally, and if I really wanted to be aggressive, most of you who know me well know that I would have been happy to be a total bitch if I wanted.

Nonetheless, she responded:

Her: simmer down now! no assumptions made just said that people generally what you to have what they have good or bad ...
Her: defensive much?!

The "defensive much" comment was slightly irritating, but since I like and respect the woman who had originally retweeted my tweet, I figured that I wouldn't give this lady a tongue lashing. (I should have known by then that the person who had sent me a tweet is too mentally dense to be able to engage in a discussion about this topic). But I did decide to state my opinion and I said:
Me: I don't. I don't want ppl to want what I have. I could really care less how people live their lives.

Because I DON'T care. It's none of my business how people decide to live their lives.  I've never in my life tried to impose my relationship on someone, or wish people to have a relationship like mine. Because frankly I have better things to think about, and I know that some people wouldn't be happy with my style of relationship. Then she said:

Her: dial back the hostility and perhaps he'll put a ring on it ... sorry couldn't resist

Hostility? This bitch ain't seen nothin' yet. I'm hostile because I say that I could care less with how other people live their lives? Shit, I'm not a match maker! So I finally decided to tell her that I thought she was condescending, although I was still on my best behavior:

Me: thats the condescending attitude I am talking about. I dont want or need a ring to be in committed relationship

She said: 

Her: you sure are right you don't need a ring to be committed some people like you just require a straight jacket! #whackjob

I said:
Me: and frankly, to assume that I'm hostile because I say I don't need a ring is quite ignorant

The she said: 

Her: I am definitely NOT ignorant ... you're just a hostile, negative, toxic person - with or without a ring or a man

And then suddenly, as if we were in high school, she tweets a couple of other people about me being a wack job. Um, and who the hell are these new people? As if I give a shit about them.  Oh you have no idea how entertained I am, because you have no idea what kind of good behavior I was on. Well, maybe some of you do. She said:
Her: @OurDesignedLife  @ZiaPriven this total #whackjob @wickedbitch chimed in something I said to @MsAnneK & went ape shit

Ape shit? If ape shit is defined by me saying that I don't care about how other people live their life, then I guess I am guilty as charged. What is triple entertaining to me is the "I responded to so and so and she attacked me"-although her stupid ass was the first person to contact me and start throwing blows with making statements about the "maybe if you do x, y, and x then he will marry you" silliness.

This only supports my theory that women who try to shove the "I want you to be married so that you can be as happy as me" are nothing but petty women doing nothing more than attempting to disguise their misery by acting as if their way of living is superior than or more normal than those of us who choose not to marry but live as single women or live in unmarried, committed relationships.
For a tiny minute, I thought, "And why the hell am I a feminist again when they are far too many petty, condescending bitches like this in the world?" But then I remembered that there are tons of cool married women who don't act like the beforementioned asshole and I set my mind straight. 

P.S. to the assholes: Go ahead and leave your highschoolesque comments if you chose. I don't give a shit. In fact, you are quite the entertainment.