Monday, January 18, 2010

Now I Understand Why I Blog Anonymously

A couple of days ago, I wrote a post about anonymous blogging, and I stated that I have yet to have quite put my finger on why I choose to blog anonymously. I suggested that it might have something to do with the fact that I like to play with reality and illusions. But today I actually remembered why I choose to remain unknown.

It's not that I am ashamed of anything I say, because I love everything about me. I'll admit that years ago when I first started my career I might have slightly had that "but what will they think" type of attitude going on, but I quickly outgrew that. It would be accurate to say that around the time I hit about 27 years old, I just stopped caring so much what anyone might say about me. And as the years go by I care even less and less.

So lately I have been questioning why I blog anonymously and am a bit elusive with my identity. Well, today I remembered.

To make a long story short, I work my ass off. I go above and beyond and this includes attending my workers' weddings, community functions, and answering my telephone after hours to put out fires or answer peoples' questions. My job is very intensive with the aspect of community service. It's not that I hate it, but sometimes I get so damn sick of my work life intruding on my personal life and I just want to draw a strict boundary between the two.

I created a facebook page and I only added a few of my close friends. I thought that I made my settings completely private, but somehow I began to get invites from some of my employees, co-workers, employees of friends and so on. I tried to just ignore their requests, but some people actually even asked me when they saw me why I hadn't added them. So I added them.

I'm a big Bitch with a capital B, but with work it is different.  am a fierce bitch and will stick it to whoever I have to, but I try not to at work. It's my job to make the school system a better place, and that includes convincing teachers, principals, parents, employees, community members and everyone else to work together to achieve common goals and maybe do something that they might not want to do. I can't just go give a big "fuck you" to everyone because then ultimately it hurts the kids because people aren't doing what they are supposed to.

One day I wrote on my facebook wall that I didn't like a Law and Order episode when the abortion doctor was killed because it seemed like it put a negative slant on the doctor. One of my employees got on there and said, "I loved it!" I said, "Well, I didn't because I am pro-choice". She said, "I am pro-life!!!!!!" I just finished the conversation because I knew that it would be a bit difficult to get her future buy-in at work if I have her a beat down.

Now every time I look at this girl, I can't get the idea out of my mind that she is a right wing asshole. I wish I would have never known anything personal about her.

After that episode, I went on facebook and I stated that I was going to go off facebook. I thought that I could unfriend some of the facebook people and just block them. Well, a few of them noticed that I was still on there because they saw that I was writing on someone's wall that they were friends with. They mentioned that I must have unfriended them by accident and I ended up adding them back. Uh.

Today I went onto facebook and one of my close friends was debating on her page over a video that she had posted about Russell Simmons and meditation. One of her old secretaries was criticizing her for discussing meditation, and was telling her that it was from the devil. My friend sent me an instant message and said, "Can you believe this shit?" I wanted to bitch slap that lady too, but she works with our department and I don't really want to make my life miserable by pissing off an important secretary, so I decided that I would just keep my mouth shut.

At that exact moment, I realized why I blog and tweet anonymously.

I have to be around work people all day long, and frankly I don't really care for any of them to be close to me in my personal life. I have to bite my tongue many times during the day and work with people who I don't really care for, so why the hell do I want to come home from work and chat about it with them. Furthermore, they honestly don't need to know the authentic "me" because it's none of their damn business. I want them to know nothing about who I really am, and I want the relationship to only stay in the work place.

I am with these people all the time, and when I come home I just want to play on the internet only with very close friends as well as people who I have come to know online who have similar interests as mine. It's like a time-out for me. If I were to post my real name, I can just imagine all these work people finding me and wanting to talk to me. I need a little damn peace and time away from them!

So I created a separate facebook account that I can use, which no one knows about except very, very close friends as well as twitter and blog friends. Of course it's under a pseudonym, but I've got to do what I've go to do, ya know? I swear, even when I made myself private they somehow hunted me down and found me.

I just need a little peace. And I need to trash my other facebook profile and kiss those people goodbye.


Amanda said...

I would blog anonymously too if I had to work with people like that. Yikes. Luckily for me nobody reads my blog.

I can't stand facebook, I just do the Twitter thing. Short and simple.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

Thank you for writing this post! May I please point people to your post from now on so people will know WHY I blog and tweet anonymously too?! Nobody hunts me down on facebook. But I do not post my true opinions or political leanings whatnot for exactly the same reason. Ugh. I need an out let. And my blog and twitter are what keep me sane on most days. And people like you. And oh, Amanda, I do so read your blog! And I am people too!!! LOL.

Wicked Bitch, Latina Fatale said...

@Amanda-Ha, tons of people read your blog!

@absence: It's good to know that I am not the only one who turns to the internet for an outlet. I've started to get to the point where I think "This is gonna be good to blog about" when something crappy at work is happening. Now I just feel like I disassociate from things that are happening and it all looks like a movie to me.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

"Now I just feel like I disassociate from things that are happening and it all looks like a movie to me."

Well said.

sortmeout said...

I myself am not un blogeur, but I understand why you would want to blog anonymously. As for Facebook, I tend to keep my political views (which are contrary to nearly everyone in this damn red state) to myself, at least in statuses and whatnot. I am still trying to figure out how to convey my thoughts in a way that will not be totally negative.

Wicked Bitch, Latina Fatale said...

@sortmeout Thanks for your comment! That is what is really difficult for me. I have been having such a hard time with the facebook thing because I can't stand feeling muzzled. So, I just have my pseudonym on facebook so that I can be free and I am just going to probably dump my real facebook. I don't really want to waste my time on facebook too much with my real self if I can't even express myself. I'll just use it to look at what a few of my family member might be up to.

Wicked Bitch, Latina Fatale said...

@absence Thanks!