Yesterday I kicked off my Unrepentant SLUT series. Today I've decided to take a walk down memory lane and explore how the term "slut" has played out in my life. Here it goes:
I can remember sitting in class and listening to the teacher lecture about Hester Prynne in "The Scarlet Letter". I remember being angry because Hester was isolated, punished and humiliated for having had an extramarital affair while the man who she had an affair with walked away with his reputation intact. "The Scarlet Letter" was the turning point for me, the moment when I decided that I would never let anyone make me feel ashamed of my sexuality.
Over the years it's not as if people haven't tried to denigrate me for my sexuality. When my own mother found out that I had lost my virginity, she locked me in my room for two straight weeks. When I came out to get water one night, she looked at me with hate on her face and said, "You disgust me. You make me sick. You're nothing but a slut". I can go on and on about examples from ex-friends, co-workers, people in the online community, non-sex-positive feminists and so on. And I've decided that people can kiss my ass if they don't like it.
I'd have to say that the most slut defining moment for me was when at the age of twenty I dated a guy named Orlando*. At one point Orlando asked me how many men I had slept with and I told him twelve. He immediately dumped me. A day later he called to explain his actions.
"I just can't date a woman who doesn't know how to keep her legs shut. I want to give you a word of advice. If you want a man to get serious with you, then you need to lie to guys in the future and tell them that you are a virgin. Later after they fall in love with you, you can tell him that you were with a few guys before but you didn't want him to think that you were a slut", he explained.
I kid you not. I wrote down a summary of what he said as soon as I got off the phone with him.
I told him, "I will NEVER lie about how many men I have slept with. If a man doesn't like it, he can kiss my ass". And then I called his uncle, asked him out on a couple of dates and fucked the shit out of him. And later the same with his best friend.
I will never allow anyone to make me feel bad for my sexuality. I will never make myself feel bad or regret any of my sexual experiences, even if I have made poor decisions regarding certain partners throughout my life.
So, here's to you, Orlando~thirteen years later and I'm still slutting around while you are stuck in a miserable marriage. Oh, and by the way, since I've been with you, I've actually lost track of how many partners I've had so I guess I won't ever have to give another man an exact number of my sexual partners.
Absolutely, absolutely no regrets.
*Maybe, just maybe it's a real name.
5 comments:
Good for you. I too lost my virginity at a young age. "Saved" it by getting really good at giving blowjobs. At last count the number of sex partners was over 50. And that includes the ones that I fucked simply because it was easier than fighting about it. I've been called a slut, whore and various other names. And been told by men that I shouldn't sleep with them as soon as I did (not that they complained when it was happening, it was always after the fact, naturally) I have a 4 year old daughter in whom I hope to instill more self respect and esteem than my parents did in me, but if she wants to have volumes of sex I want her to be safe, have a good time and be able to fend off the assholes who will judge her. They aren't going away I'm afraid. The double standard makes it much too easy for the patriarchy to control women and we need more women like us to tear down those walls! Keep at it and don't let the asshomes get you down.
I love your story! you are a bad ass!
I often think about how I will react if one of my future children has sex at an early age. Society tells us that we are supposed to be upset about it, but I think that I will just tell her to have safe sex and also not to listen to all those assholes' stupid games that they play.
I have to applaud you for your tenacity and not stepping down from your beliefs. Women's sexuality has been oppressed for such a long time and controlled by men. When women take control of their sexuality they are seen as "sluts" as being "easy women". For women of color it is extremely difficult considering some of the historical violence that has been perpetuated on their bodies. Starting with African American/Black women and the constant abuses that they experienced and continue to experience. Latin American women especially indigenous women have subjected to decades of sexual violence. It is time to free ourselves from this sort of oppression and guilt within ourselves. I had a similar experience with my mother when she found my birth control pills when I was in High School and I was called every name in the book.
I found that your take on the situation and your humor about such a stupid comment that guy made was great! I love your blog and Im enjoying it a lot!
from the reading of your post it's obvious he did make you feel bad about it. duh
Nope, what part of my post suggests that he made me feel bad about it? It's all a big sociological study to me. Keep tryin'.
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