Friday, May 15, 2009

Every Strong, Independent Woman's Worst Enemy Just Might Be Another Woman


I didn't want to have to write this post, but apparently I am going to have to. I never want to be the type of woman who bashes or betrays other women, but lately I have been sick and tired of women who hurt other women.

I'm officially stating for the record that the people in this world who have hurt me the most in my life have been other women. Female colleagues, former friends, family members...you name it. I've carried around this naive "female solidarity" idea for way too long, and I am officially ending my belief in that nonsense.

I'm a bad-ass, take-no-nonsense woman. All ambitious, intelligent, confident and assertive females probably know exactly what I am talking about when I state that other women can be our worst enemy. Fuck the glass ceiling--other insecure females who attempt to maim, lame and "do us in" can be much more damaging than any man or glass ceiling could ever be. Insecure, petty and passive aggressive women just can't take a strong, successful woman and will try to do anything in their power to tear her down.

I will save my frustration and details for a later post. In the meantime, I have been poking around online and buying some books pertaining to this topic. I plan to continue on with this topic, because I am sure that it is something that most assertive, ambitious and confident women can relate to.

I initially started this blog to document my search for and life-long love affair with bad-ass women. I've always loved the stories of the whores, renegades, rebels and wicked bitches of the world. If you dig just a little deeper, you'll find that most of the rumors and myths that circulate about these women are bullshit.

Some myths were crafted with care by the women themselves (a much needed skill for all bad asses), but other myths and rumors were started by other people in an attempt to discredit, oppress or hurt strong women because they more than likely didn't fit into someone's boring little box. Femina Prudentia delineated a perfect example in her guest post about Jezebel; many of us have been taught that Jezebel was a whore, but we can't recall any whore-istic escapades that she had.

I've always thought that it is even more damaging when another woman is the one who is spreading rumors and discrediting strong women. I mean, hell, I expect it from insecure men, but I would love to believe in that ideal notion of sisterhood. So now I am on a quest to shed a little insight into these bitches who attempt to hurt and hold down strong, independent women.

A few weeks ago in the bookstore I came upon the book Woman's Inhumanity to Woman. I admire the author for her courage to write a book that she suppressed for over twenty years out of respect for that feminist cultural myth of sisterhood and solidarity. The author raises some interesting points in the book about indirect aggression between women through the use of rumors, gossip, social isolation and all such nonsense. I haven't yet finished the book.

Coincidentally, I came upon the "Odd Girl Out" movie on television last weekend. The movie is once again about indirect female aggression and bullying between adolescent girls. I figured that I would also buy the book to see what it has to say, and the book just came yesterday. So far, it's pretty similar to the previous book that I mentioned with a specific emphasis on adolescent girls.

And, just because I sometimes get fanatical when I am studying a topic, I also decided to get the book "Mean Girls Grown Up: Adult Women Who Are Still Queen Bees, Middle Bees and Afraid-To-Bees". The book just arrived today and it looks similar to the others, but with an emphasis on adult women and possibly indirect aggression of females in the workplace.

I was raised by a feminist mother to be a feminist myself. My mother came through the feminism of the sixties and the seventies and taught me that sisterhood and solidarity with other women is of utmost importance. I believe this and practice this with all my heart. But my mom also taught me that my worst enemy would be the envy and jealousy of other women who will want to hurt me and hold me back because they are too scared and/or weak to be a trailblazer themselves.

I think that we need to start having more discussions about the damage that women can cause to other women in addition to our discussions of patriarchy. In the meantime, let's all start slapping the shit out of these bitches who try to muzzle and box some of us wild women into a menagerie.

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