Sunday, March 28, 2010

Def Poetry: Waitress

I can relate to the "poker face" at the end:

Friday, March 26, 2010

When Does It Ever End?!

It's been no secret that I have had a rough couple of months, and that's one of the main reasons that I haven't been blogging on this blog much. Over the past few months, it's been rough in the work setting, I have cut everyone off in my whole family except one person (who better get her ass in gear before she gets axed too, hint, hint), and then today I had what I initially thought was a major crisis.

I am facing one of the most difficult times in my career, and it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to tolerate working in the education system. We've had to cut teachers, and the whole process of it is so mentally exhausting and time consuming. Certain things going on in California with new policies being implemented spurred on ridiculous stipulations from the federal government are making it very difficult.

It disgusts and disturbs me that we have to pink slip new and eager teachers while I watch shitty tenured teachers continue to fail and still have their jobs. During layoff time, any and every manager of course is under complete attack, and most especially anyone who had to sign any pink slips. I'm sick of trying to be innovative and everyone is either too incompetent, lazy or stupid to actually comprehend what I am saying.

I have a plan that if this continues on that I would like to leave the system within three years and be in a place where I can engage my creativity more as opposed to working within a machine that protects itself and maintains the status quo.

So, I've blogged before about me cutting off my mother and family. I'm one tough lady, but it sure is a difficult thing to totally cut off your mother and certain family members, and feel that you are on your own. But I did, and it's been great.

Yet now my boyfriend's family is driving me crazy. In the past they always lived an hour away, but now his two brothers and mother/father live on the same block. All hell has been breaking loose with them. The brother is a major drug addict. A couple of weeks ago, he was arrested for having a hypodermic needle, but was let go. A week later, his house was raided because of his girlfriend. Last Saturday he was picked up and held for questioning for ten hours.

In December he had a baby with his wife (who left him in Jan because of his drug use) and I've been so pissed that he is a loser father that just lately I told him off and chased him away from my boyfriend's house when I was there. I've been telling my boyfriend that I am "this close" from cutting off all of his family members too, and if that I means that I won't go over to his house, then so be it.

I don't even know what word to describe my boyfriend, but he is the type of person (maybe co-dependent) who always ends up cleaning up everyone's mess. He loans people money, he does things for people, he tries to get his brother back on track, etc. It's ridiculous. There used to be a point where he actually would administer surprise drug tests on his brother. Absolutely ridiculous. I'm of the persuasion that if you have to drug test someone, they should be cut off.

He's been in total denial. Since I have refused to speak to him, over the past couple of weeks he has been telling me that he "just knows" that he will clean up his act. "Look at so-and-so (a cousin). He used to be like him and he is clean now", he keeps saying.

"Yeah, and look at so-and-so (insert a couple of my loser cousins' names). They are in their late forties and are still loser drug addicts", I respond. I have such a low tolerance for drug addicts.

In the past, his brother has caused major destruction to the family. So, I told my boyfriend too weeks ago that his brother is going down, and he better watch his back because drug addicts drag anyone and everyone in their life down with them.

Flash forward to this week. My boyfriend snaps under the pressure of everything at work and just told the school board to literally fuck off. So, he was told that his contract will not be renewed for next year. (I'm practically pretty close from doing the same thing).

Well, then today all shit hit the fan. I don't have the energy to go into all the details, but he had to clean up a disaster that his brother created and he was driving his brother's car home. He was pulled over by the police, and tons and tons of drugs were found in the trunk of the car inside of the area where all the tools are.

When I called over there, the police answered the phone and I almost had a fucking heart attack over some of the things that they were telling me, because of course much of it was overexaggerated by the detective (which I found out later). I was convinced that he was going down for his brother because he initially refused to cooperate much. But eventually he was let go and his brother turned himself in.

I don't need to explain to you, of course, that I don't need this shit in my life. About an hour ago, I told my boyfriend that enough is enough, and that he is also cut out of my life until he decides to get rid of this dysfunction in his life. We've been together for over thirteen years, and if he decides that this kind of craziness is more important, then so be it because I don't want to deal with this.

I've always hated those kind of people who have one crisis after the other, constantly. Well, it seems that since Valentines' day, that has been my life. I refuse to allow this to happen anymore. I just want my happy go lucky life back, and want all of the people who cause craziness out of it, once and for all.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

What's Happening!?!

I've been off this blog for a bit because I have had so many crazy things going on with my work, and all this education crisis crap is just wearing me down. In the meantime I have been also working my ass off, because quite frankly I can't imagine working in a broken institution for the rest of my life and I am trying to get myself started towards one day having other options where I am just working for myself.

So, I've got a five year plan that I am trying to sketch out. I know that I can do it before five years, but I always tend to plan conservatively.

I've also been pretty busy working on some additional projects as well as helping one of my good friends and partners with some web projects that she has been getting off the ground.

In the meantime, I'm looking for people who would like to write blog reviews of foreign films-any topic. It's not for this blog, but for another that I have been helping a friend with. So, if you are interested, please send me an email at badassfemmes@yahoo.com, or you can leave a message here or contact me on twitter. At this time, we are requesting volunteer reviewers. If you are looking for experience with writing, then this will be an excellent opportunity because we can include your name, bio and link to your blog if you have one.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Once Upon a Strange Mood

I miss blogging, as I haven't blogged in quite a bit. It's been a rough month which started with the flu and has a been a constant battle of personal and professional conflict. I've been too emotionally exhausted, to put it bluntly, to even try to think about it for the time that it would be required to blog about.

So today I had this wild urge to dig through almost every piece of music that I own to try to define the way that I have been feeling over the past few months. I searched and I searched until I found Jewel's "Foolish Games" which has for some reason always spoken to my soul like no other song that I have ever heard before.



And what tied close in the number two was "Why?" by Annie Lennox:



And third place goes to "Losing my Religion" by REM:



And then the fourth place goes to "What is it About Men" by Amy Winehouse:


And that sums up my life.